What A World

It's hard to remember what life was like before the wankers who write email ads invaded my Inbox. Just how on earth did I manage to get by day-by-day before the avalanche of life-enhancing add-ons became available?

I don't recall what I was doing the day that a top team of British scientists and medical experts developed a state-of-the-art Enlargement Patch for my kershmizzle. I was probably considering painfully expensive surgery or replumbing old Mr. Johnson to squeeze out that last smidgen of extra performance. Who could have imagined that a simple patch would do the trick? It's good that I discovered that magical patch before I placed my manhood in someone else's hands. Someone much less willing to guarantee results in 30 days or less.

Then there's my anemic stock portfolio, languishing in mediocrity before the tip came across advising me to sell all my assets and invest the proceeds in the next Microsoft. I mean, think of it - a world-class tech support team designs an innovative suite of turnkey web design templates that empower small business owners to quickly establish a personalized online presence. Katy Bar the Door when that stock goes public; I plan to be riding atop the crest to serious personal wealth.

And where do those folks find the lost stockpile of prescription drugs and Rolex watches they purchase at half price in order to offer me such outrageous savings? I don't recognize them, but they obviously know me. "Hey, Zin, your old pal Martha here, with a deal you simply can't refuse."

At the end of the day, however, my favorite email offer is the one that encourages me to meet and telecommune with nubile babes around world. Some don't even bother translating into English; but I understand nonetheless. The language of pornography is universal, I suppose.

Life without email ads; it seems like a world ago.