I Understand

Some guys are always on the lookout for natural-looking "hair in a can."

I suffer from genetic hair shortage but refuse to indulge in hairpieces or spray-on hair flock to cover my head, especially after watching one of those infomercials showing 5 or 6 guys seated in barber chairs having flock applied to the back of their heads with high pressure hoses. Those guys actually believed that a mixture of recycled pop bottles and super glue embedded in the back of their head somehow looked natural.

Another option to repopulate a naked pate are those hair plugs one can have planted in one's head like so many tulip bulbs. It takes years for the hair to fill in between the plugs and in the end, it still looks like hair taken from one's ass; which is exactly what it is.

My personal favorite hair replacement technique is the "snap on" hairpiece. Guys actually have metal snaps surgically implanted in their head to mate up with the the snap halves attached to the underside of the faux hairpiece. Not good if you spend a lot of time passing through airport security.

I confess that I stayed with the trapdoor hair thing too long. You know the style; bald on top and longer on one side, which required that I threw the hair up over the top, hoping the hair would stay anchored to my opposite ear. This rarely works outside the lab. Any sort of breeze will unmask you and expose your vanity to glares and chuckles. I decided to abandon this style the day I saw a guy cruising along in his convertible with a shoulder length shock of hair trailing from one side of his head.

It was then that I decided to go with the buzzed Bruce Willis look. It's low maintenance and inexpensive. I order a "number 3" at Abby's Hair Barn and can be in and out in less than ten minutes.

I gave up the male hair ego trip a long time ago and am a happier man for it. If it works for Patrick Stewart, who am I to disagree?

Now, on the other hand, I take my musical preferences very seriously.