It Depends On The Meaning Of Cold

Where is that scoundrel that claims we are entering into an era of global warming? I'd like to visit a sharp head slap what for on him/her.

It's been 30 or less every day of April so far. It's snowed three times this month. I'm headed out to watch my daughter play lacrosse and I'm bound head to toe in winter gear. What gives?

I'll bet Rosie knows something about this.

Blogger Experiment

Blogger now provides an option to blog in different languages. OK. So I clicked on the options page and scrolled to English (UK). What happened? Nothing so far as I can tell.

I think I'll try Irish English next.

Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat.

Harpooning a Pig

It's been snowing and freezing in Zinland. One of these days I'm going to get harpooned with one of the giant shards of ice hanging from the side of my house. Must diet. I'm becoming too big a target.

Holy Jaysus

Admittedly, I haven't been visiting the Zin spot much, let alone blogging, but what's happening here? I show up today only to find that Blogger has been taken over by Google. Google? Is there a place in the sphere these people haven't invaded? I want my blog back.....damnit.

Nearly There....

Constipation affects almost everyone at one time or another.
Many people think they're constipated when really they aren't.

I'm Almost........Back

Ptui.

Almost back from my third time under. Beginning to surface...

Watch Your Back

World famous Afghany proctologist and adventurer Assia Bakass is planning to embark on a two year research project to document how kebobs process through the human digestive tract.

Assia recently completed development of a personal anal probe (pictured at left) to aid his research.

Assia is currently interviewing potential study volunteers.

The Dog Ate My Paper

Last week I lost an important piece of paper.

I thought about blaming it on the dog since dogs have been put on this earth precisely to take blame for any number of things humans don't want to ‘fess up to. Things like unfinished homework, missing M&Ms, mysterious odors and such.

Dogs make this blame game simple. Most dogs are so loyal they’ll gladly accept responsibility for anything so long as there’s a biscuit or a pat on the head at the other end. They like rewards so much, I swear they smile in anticipation. In fact, they smile even when they know they’re about to be punished. I believe I once saw our dog smile just before she stretched out to sniff a guest's crotch. Happy dog – bad dog.

We have a New Dog. We took him in shortly after our Old Dog died and was processed into road gravel. You see; my wife has a recurring nightmare of her deceased pet lying atop a smoldering pile of other people's deceased pets, so she figures a complete cremation is best. When I bury the decorative canister in the back yard, we’ll know exactly where to find Old Dog if my wife has one of her pet nightmares. I only wonder whose road gravel is really in the tin.

Back to New Dog, who really isn't all that new. Just old enough to have peed on someone else's carpet until he learned that it's less painful to do that business outdoors. The real trick for New Dog now is learning when to eat or drink in order to match up bathroom breaks with the schedule at our home. To avoid a painful mistake.

It's difficult for me to imagine why New Dog looks so happy and nonchalant when, minute by minute, he's adjusting to unfamiliar human rituals. First, getting acquainted with two evil cats that already lived at the house. Then wondering if he had his testicles removed as punishment for eating half a bag of M&Ms he found on the floor. After all, the bag of candy was on the floor because the cats dragged it off the desk. New Dog watched the cats do it and apparently figured it was a peace offering.

New Dog also seems to understand that my loafers are off limits and probably don't taste as good as they look. Evidently, it's not worth a sore ass to find out for certain. He hasn’t so much as sniffed at them. On the other hand, he had no problem ratcheting up the courage to sample my wife’s expensive wooden knitting needles and my daughter’s eyeglasses. He received a strong tongue lashing for both.

I guess with New Dog, it may be about risk and reward. Considering New Dog’s attitude, I guess I’ll blame him for the important paper I lost last week after all. He probably won’t mind.

I Want One of These

Seems like a lot of work just to catch poo. The PS geniuses at Worth are at it again.

Amazing Technology

My friend Stan invented this nifty device to determine how many actual dog chomps it takes to draw blood through a mailman's britches. Even used his own dog.(I know from the name on the tag)

Plumber Thong

When Peeps Go Bad

Spring Training

Westminster Blues

In a radical move to boost sagging ratings, Westminster Kennel Club will add Malamute Ballet to next year's televised competition.

What To Get The Girl Who Has Everything

Dog Fark

Hmm...

..which head should I wear today?

As Baby Boomers Age...

..they'll redefine "blue hairs".

Origami Hunt

I Knew It!